3 In Marriage/ Parenting

Why We Don’t Celebrate Valentine’s with Our Kids

If some church family was going to make a big deal about boycotting a holiday, you would probably expect it to be Halloween, because of demons and the devil, or maybe we object to Santa and the commercialization of Christmas. But nope, it’s Valentine’s Day we don’t celebrate with our kids.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Valentine’s and make a pretty big deal of celebrating it with Lindy, but we just don’t draw the kids in to any of that. We’re not cruel about it or anything, and of course we help them participate with their class celebrations at school. And I’m definitely a pushover, so when Reeve snuggled up next to me on the couch last week and asked if I would buy her a dress for the Valentine’s Day celebration at school I caved in and bought it for her. I’ve even thought about leveraging the holiday as an opportunity to teach our kids about history and sacrificial love, but–nah.

No Gifts

The last two years Lindy has done a fun Valentine’s art project with the kids and it’s always really cool, but its not for them. Their art project actually goes up on the wall right where Lindy and I celebrate Valentine’s every morning February 1st through the 14th.

Each morning Lindy opens a little gift from me. Each morning the kids are eager to watch her open them. This year I made a game out of it by wrapping two gifts and letting Lindy decide which one she’s going to pick for the day and it’s fun to watch the eagerness on our kids faces as they anticipate what the gift could be.

I love our four littles, but they will never get a gift for me on Valentine’s Day. I want them to know I love their mom more than anyone else and am committed to investing in my relationship with her her.

No Dates

Just the other day I was picking up the boys from school when I overheard some mom’s talking about the Valentine’s Day dates they had planned with their kids. It sounds so sweet, I guess because it actually is, but heck no for me. I take the girls out on Daddy Dates and the boys on Dadventures often enough.

Valentine’s is a season of leaving my kids out of the celebrations so I can pour more in to Lindy.


I realize this may make me sound like a jerk, and some of you hardcore Pinterest moms are ready to report me to CPS. But sorry, not sorry.

If you’re celebrating Valentine’s with your kids I think you’re doing it wrong.

I leave the kids out of our celebration of Valentine’s because I want them to know my love for their mom is more important than my love for them. I want them to feel safe in our family because of their confidence in our marriage. I want them to know that marriage is hard and that real love is a series of choices to grow in humility by thinking of my wife before myself. I want them to know that if there’s one thing they can count on in our family it’s that Lindy and I will never stop doing the work to make our marriage work.

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  • Reply
    Amanda Clevenger
    February 9, 2018 at 1:43 pm

    Love love love this. I think it’s spot on. 🙌🏼 Just, yes. Yes to this.

    • Reply
      February 9, 2018 at 1:52 pm

      Thanks, Amanda!

  • Reply
    February 9, 2018 at 7:42 pm

    We don’t put a ton of stock into this one day. Marc is amazing at giving ransom gifts through the year, flowers just for a Friday surprise or a new dress that he saw while he was out. We want Lexi to see our love is 365 days of the year. Also if you’ve ever read about where Valentine’s Day started it was with a man named St Valentine who was a doctor. He treated people for free and prayed over them. It wasn’t a lovers holiday at all, Hallmark turned it into that. Which is why we include Lexi in celebrating this day. Yes we do go out if we can find a sitter, and she knows that Marc and my love comes first but I want her to feel loved and cared for as well. Having said all of that, I commend you on how much you obviously work on making your marriage not just good but great! Your love for one another shines through and it’s inspiring to watch. Enjoy your Valentine’s Day Justin and Lindy!

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